Wednesday, June 30, 2010

How Do I Remember?

This morning I was reminded of 'time' when I was reading Clover Lane. Now, my entire day will be washed clean by the tears I find to cry at the simplest of things. If you feel like you need a tear-jerker her post will help, and I'm afraid what I'm going to write is extremely sentimental to me. That is my warning to you before you read my post and Clover Lane.

How do I remember? I want to vividly remember everything about my babies! I mean, isn't that part of talking yourself into moving out of the baby stage and into the bigger kid phase; by tricking yourself into the fact that you'll remember exactly how that fat precious face felt against yours or how those tiny fingers grasped onto yours so tightly?

Oh how I want to remember... but I suppose the cruel reality is that I won't. Time will pass and those tender feeling memories will eventually fade. I guess that's why becoming a Grandmother is such a wonderful gift to be given; you get to hold a precious baby again, press that chunky face next to yours, feel that tiny grasp around your finger, inhale that wonderful infant smell, give eskimo kisses to that tiny button nose, and snuggle all of that wonderfulness close to your heart for a second time.

I'm not there yet! Each day makes my babes a little bit older, a little bit ready to explore on their own, and me a little bit more ready to have a 4th baby. I just can't talk myself out of the baby phase yet, and luckily I don't have to, being almost 27 I have time on my side and against me all at the same time. What happens after the fourth, I ask myself? What will I feel when that baby starts to grow old? Will I continue to feel this way? I wanted to be done with children by the time I was 30, but how do I know that I won't continue having this exact same feeling I'm having now? I tell myself that eventually everyone HAS to stop having babies, but I'm just not ready. I want to have that memory of an infant so close to me I can feel it. (I'm chasing one around the house as I write this even). :o)

Can you remember this face when you were feeding your sweet baby? 

My hopes are that when I look back on this picture I'll remember that exact moment. That special moment I was sharing with my daughter as I was rocking her while she ate her ba-ba, where she looked up into my eyes,  and my heart melted in her hands. Technologic advancement isn't all bad. Cameras, video recorders, even iPhones give us the ability to capture all of those moments to help us freeze time and even if just for a moment re-live the past. I'm sure as my children grow older and older I'll be very appreciative of all this, more so than I do now. It helps us remember...

I'll always remember won't I? 


Anonymous said...

It's like the song " when we grow old and our kids are all grown and gone we won' t be sad, we'll be glad for all the times we had and we will remember when"
Babies ar wonderful but like all good things,eventually it ends. But new and wonderful things will come and life hums along. Just enjoy your days.

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